Conversation Page 5

  Rhetoric

  Rhetoric is the art of effective speaking and writing. It refers to the craft of composition, voice, and demeanor. In a way, a speech is like a one-man performance. It requires that the speaker embodies his or her speech and use effective wording in order to deliver the intended message properly. This is where rhetorical devices come in. Rhetorical devices are linguistic devices used to make a speech sound better or get the audience to think hard about the words being spoken.

  The modern study and art of rhetoric began with the ancient Greeks, in particular, with a group of scholars known as the Sophists. A Sophist was a paid tutor and mentor who imparted his wisdom of philosophy and rhetoric to his male students. A sophist would teach philosophy with particular attention to moral skepticism and specious reasoning. Specious reasoning refers to arguments which can be argued cleverly and effectively but are actually wrong. This is where the importance of rhetoric came in. The only way to argue something wrong but somehow prove it correct through logic required rhetoric. Using rhetorical devices and reasoning, sophists were able to speak on behalf of just about anything in a convincing and compelling manner.

  Today, rhetoric holds the same power. By harnessing the power of words and language, an audience can be swayed in any direction. Rhetoric turns volumes of knowledge and long periods of verbal communication into fascinating and suspenseful learning experiences for an audience. Therefore, knowing some rhetoric can aid you greatly in crafting the best public speech possible.

  Many rhetorical devices are about repetition. A device you have definitely heard of is the anaphora. The anaphora is the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of every clause in a sentence or paragraph. For example: “I can argue just about anything. I can argue right or wrong, left or right. I can argue anything if I need to.” You have also definitely seen the polysyndeton. The polysyndeton is when a conjunction is repeated in a series of clauses, words, and phrases. This would look like, “I want a cookie, but I want to stick to my diet, but I want not to be hungry, but I want to be thinner.” You could also use germination, where a word or phrase is repeated within one sentence. Germination is something like, “I will not stand for this rubbish. This rubbish ruins us, and we cannot stand for this.”

  There are also some more theatrical devices available. An aporia or a rhetorical question is when the speaker asks the audience a question that he or she already knows the answer to. Rhetorical questions are often used to add suspense, drama, and/or humor to a speech. Another dramatic tool is hyperbole, where the speaker exaggerates the qualities of something to an extreme extent. It is usually obvious when someone uses hyperbole, but sometimes, a speaker may use it to obscure the true meaning of his or her words. On the flipside is a litotes, where a speaker deliberately minimizes something that they talk about. Litotes are easy to make humorous and fit well into sarcastic remarks. Rhetorical devices may be very useful for adding poetry and style to your speech, but they are not the only important component.

  Drama and Emotion

  Why do some terrible politicians get voted into office? Why are some politicians so likable and eloquent? Well, they know that public speaking is a performance designed for persuasion and entertainment. A corollary of this then is that a public speaker is kind of like an actor. Actors fully embody their character, and a good speaker should pick up on some of their art of performance.

  To start with the beginning of a speech, use a great attention-grabber to draw in the audience. Maybe tell a compelling story or start with a rhetorical question. Attention grabbers are an effective way to draw in an audience because they make the audience want to know more. The audience should not be forced by the loudness of your voice or by your command to listen to you. They should want to listen and pay attention to your words. Stories and rhetorical questions accomplish this because they intrigue the audience and excite them for what you have to say next. Once you have a great opener, you can continue the performance with an assurance that the audience is already listening to you.

  Now that the audience think you are more interesting than a Smartphone or the clock on the wall, other performance methods can be put into play. A great way to structure a speech is to divide it into three parts—an amazing intro, a well-thought out middle, and a conclusion. We have already covered what an introduction should look like, but what about the middle? The middle should be informative, straightforward, and worded simply. While the introduction does not need to relate directly to what the speech is actually about, it is important for the middle of the speech to meet these requirements. Language that is too complicated or advanced makes the audience think too hard. The audience wants to be moved and not confused or asked to do any work. This is also the reason it is important to be informative and straightforward in this section. To move the audience, you need to build a case—convince the audience that you make an interesting point that cannot be denied. Lawyers do this all the time. They present all of the facts of the case in a compelling way, and build a story out of them. Then, once they have presented their evidence-based story, they make their claim: “My client is not guilty,” or “Given the preceding evidence, it is obvious my client was injured as a result of the employer’s negligence.” Once the evidence and claim are presented, it can be useful to expound on them; this is the part where you convince the audience why your point matters. A good middle portion of a speech includes information built around a story, a claim or assertion, and a justification of significance.

  The conclusion of a speech is just as important as the other two portions of it. A conclusion is meant to summarize the whole point of your speech and makes the difference as to whether or not your speech leaves a lasting impression on the audience. To write a good conclusion, think of it a little bit like an introduction. First of all, a good conclusion summarizes the main points of a speech. Make sure that it ties together everything you said earlier to remind the audience of all the information they just absorbed. To keep it interesting, consider closing with a quote or an anecdote. Much like in the introduction, a conclusion may require an attention-grabber so that the audience leaves feeling more different than when they walked in.

  Conclusions, despite their extreme importance, are often the weakest links of a speech. They can be relatively difficult to write because writers often think to themselves, “I’ve already said everything. What more could I possibly say?!” Well, any good conclusion does not introduce any new information. It does not make the audience think and consider any unfamiliar ideas that were not present earlier in the speech. Claims made in conclusion should not include any material that requires an explanation—you had the whole speech to do that. Another pitfall of writing a speech’s conclusion is using phrases such as “In conclusion.” While a conclusion should wind down your speech, it should not prepare your audience to stop paying attention. Words that directly signal the end of your speech serve no other purpose than to dismiss your audience prematurely. Lastly, you may want to write your conclusion at the same time as you write your introduction, or at least, outline the conclusion a little bit. This ensures that these two sections frame the meat of your speech tastefully. They are the first and last impressions of any speech; make sure they surround the middle of your speech like a beautiful photograph in a complimentary frame.

  Good public-speaking skills are essential in today’s impression-focused world. The best speeches go viral on the internet or are immortalized in textbooks. A good speech can burn a life-changing memory into an audience member’s mind. Being a good public speaker can win favor from others and improve your career outcome immensely.

  Chapter 7: Making Your Interpersonal Communication More Effective

  E ffective communication tips—"don’t lie,” “be direct,” “stand up for yourself”—get thrown onto us from our first day in kindergarten. Most people would like to believe that they act on these principles consistently, but the reality is that they can be pretty hard to stick to. When communicating with oth
ers, most peoples’ instinct is to be completely vulnerable all at once or avoid any intimacy whatsoever. Some of us are prone to using passive-aggression, anger, or threats to get our way and prevent our feelings from getting hurt. Others will completely avoid bringing up a problem or expressing an opinion for fear of backlash or rejection. Effective communication is all about striking a balance—get the point across, and express your emotions without being disrespectful or minimizing your own opinions.

  Effective communication starts with you, your interests, and your values. When approaching anyone, be clear to yourself about your intentions. This is important because once you have identified your goal, it will be much easier to stick with it and keep your objective in mind. Knowing the message you want to express will make many of your communications a lot easier. For example, in a worst-case scenario such as an argument, knowing what you want is indispensable. In arguments, emotions and pain often get the best of us. They lead us to argue about irrelevant details and bring an opponent’s previous offenses to the surfaces. Avoid this. If you need to confront someone, stick to the actual topic of the confrontation. Knowing the specific, concise idea that you wish to impart will help you stay calm and keep your cool.

  On the flip side of this coin is to be a good listener. Actively paying attention to what other people say is not only respectful, but will also make your interactions with others more meaningful, fruitful, and cooperative. A conversation where one person is not listening is often summarized perfectly when someone complains that “it was like talking to a wall.” Make your best efforts not to be that guy. Actively listening to someone includes eye contact and asking questions about what someone just said. Listening closely to what others say not only helps you understand them better, but it also helps the speaker feel heard, which allows rapport to be built between the two of you. It also builds the foundation for a positive relationship. Body language is also an important part of active listening. Keep a relaxed seating or standing position, do not close off your torso, and nod accordingly as someone speaks. This reassures the speaker that you are interested in what he or she has to say.

  Effective communication also includes timing. A good communicator finds an appropriate time and place to say what he or she needs to. If you have a short conversation you would like to have, then feel free to walk up to someone and start chatting. A more serious conversation—one that you would simply like to spend more time on—will require some scheduling. If the intention is to catch up with a friend you have not seen in a while, give them a call or send them a text message a few days in advance to schedule coffee or dinner. If the conversation needs a little bit more time and is of a serious or sensitive nature, schedule a time when it will be convenient for the person with whom you wish to speak. Take care that they do not have an important work meeting minutes after the conversation or that they are not already overly stressed. Taking this precaution is simply a matter of consideration and respect. While the person may not know you took this precaution, you will have the reassurance that you acted decently. Now that the basics of good communication with others have been defined, a more detailed analysis of these principles is in order.

  Saying What You Mean

  How do most people handle communication in their everyday life? Unfortunately, most people go into every interaction with the intention of being as likable and agreeable as possible. In a job interview, this is a good thing. In social situations—believe it or not—this may be to your detriment. Trying to be likable and wonderful at all times can actually have a negative impact on a person’s psyche. Putting too much pressure on oneself to be perfect can lead to feelings of isolation, inadequacy, and fear. Trying to present a shiny veneer of infallibility and nonstop positivity can lead to imposter syndrome, the creeping feeling of being secretly inadequate or seriously flawed.

  Honesty’s evil cousin, however, is callousness. Being straightforward is absolutely part of the recipe for effective communication, but avoid being so straightforward that you wind up insulting people. Honesty and consideration are important lines to walk through to maintain healthy relationships while also properly expressing yourself. Knowing a few techniques to stick to your guns while also maintaining composure and compassion will ensure positive interactions with others.

  An effective way to stick to your values but allow space for another person’s concerns is through compromise. It allows growth in both of the parties and allows trust to be built in a relationship. Another benefit of compromise is that it will make others view you as a reasonable, level-headed person. When negotiating a compromise, keep in mind that the disagreement is often not about specifics—there is generally a larger, more abstract value of the specific thing you want. With this in mind, negotiate a compromise where the solution upholds your values and meets your needs. For example, a compromise with a roommate who does not want to do as much cleaning as you would like will require that you explain how clean you would like the house. When you do this, the roommate may respond, “I don’t have time to clean that much,” or “I don’t really think the place is all that dirty. I don’t want to vacuum three times a week.” The negotiation then should be appropriate for what you really want. The goal is not “my roommate needs to vacuum three times per week,” it’s: “I would like to live in a clean apartment, and I do not like dust.” Now, a compromise is in order. A compromise might be, “Okay, I get that you hate vacuuming. Maybe you could vacuum once a week and dust the windows once a week?” This is a great solution because you receive the cooperation of your roommate with respect to keeping a clean house and creating a solution where work is divided between the two of you. Compromise, by its very nature, is not about “winning” or “giving something up”—it’s about finding a solution where both parties get what they want, or at least a part of it, without impinging on each other’s rights and needs.

  Another effective tool to stick to your values is using the “I” voice. Approaching conversations using the “I” voice is a sign of respect and a step toward keeping a conversation no confrontational. Imagine yourself in a situation where your friend has had one too many drinks and wants another. He or she seems a bit belligerent and arrogant because of “liquid courage.” Do not say, “You are too drunk, and you’ve had enough.” Instead, say something like, “I don’t think we need more alcohol. I just don’t want tonight to get too crazy, so maybe we need to slow down a little bit. Should we grab a bite to eat?” In the former, the drunk person hearing this may feel offended or judged, even though the speaker intends to preserve his or her well-being. The only thing that this intoxicated person will hear from the phrase starting with “you are” is criticism and indictment. In the latter, they will be more likely to cooperate with you because the “I” voice is used. The speaker voices his or her concerns rationally and politely. The drunk person does not feel the need to defend themselves because the word “you” is avoided. Rather, the speaker presents an alternative to another drink and does not bring any criticism or accusation into the communication.

  Lastly, following your values will sometimes require saying “no.” This is a hard one for many people—no one wants to upset anyone, but no one wants to do something they don’t want to and spend money and resources on them unnecessarily. The best way to approach this issue is to respond to a request that you do not feel comfortable with by saying, “I’m sorry. I can’t do that right now. But, is there some other way I can help out?” This lets the requestor know that you are not completely ignoring them or acting selfishly while, at the same time, protecting you from unnecessary work and hassle. If the stakes are bigger, however, and would involve your personal safety, a firm “no” will be necessary. This also works if the person involved is someone disrespecting you. Allowing someone to disrespect you will lead to more disrespect from this person in the future and will leave you feeling empty and unsure of yourself. Avoid this by standing up for your own integrity and humanity.

  Politeness and Consideration
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  While maintaining boundaries and morals in a conversation is important, knowing how to be polite and decent is just as necessary. Politeness and consideration allow exchanges to build upon each other into relationships and friendships. They are the heart and soul of cooperation and affection. Here are some pointers on upholding these two virtues.

  First, avoid interrupting others. It is both rude and inconsiderate. The person you interrupt will take your interruption to imply that what he or she has to say is not nearly as important as what you have to say. Most people become annoyed when interrupted because it feels as though the offending party would rather talk than to listen to the speaker. Avoid interrupting in order to be a good listener and to understand fully what another person has to say.

  Another important aspect of politeness is how close your relationship is with the person you are communicating with. Over sharing and extreme secrecy are both bad habits which do not respect others’ boundaries. For example, over sharing with a new friend is impolite and inconsiderate because this person may become uncomfortable. He or she will not be sure whether to share similarly intimate information and may feel pressured to do so, or they may feel as though the relationship between the two of you does not have a foundation that is intimate enough to be sharing sensitive personal information. With that said, extreme privacy can be off-putting. Of course, no one should feel pressured to uncover personal secrets, but in a close friendship, sharing at least some personal details is essential. To open up to someone and be a bit vulnerable are ways to strengthen and build relationships. Without opening up at least a little bit, a conversation partner may feel as though you have something to hide or that you do not trust them. While vulnerability is terrifying for many, do not let this fear get the best of you. To do so would undermine the qualities of your relationships and lead to feelings of loneliness.